Day 43 Entry

After training, I sat — not out of discipline, but because stillness was calling. It was one of those sits that makes you forget time exists. I didn’t want to move. The silence wasn’t empty; it felt like being wrapped inside myself, as if the air had thickened into something protective and alive.

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Then something subtle shifted. I noticed how sound arrived without shape. A noise in the room didn’t instantly become “a person,” “a car,” or “a thing.” It was just vibration. Awareness felt like a larger room — not the cramped, echoing kind filled with reflex and story, but a cathedral of perception where every sound could just resonate and fade.

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For a while, I was perfectly content there. But the gut called. The body wanted to poop, and I hesitated — clenched, interrupted the current. That moment reminded me how control sneaks back in, how easily the mind grabs the wheel even in peace.

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Still, the insight stayed: the deeper the surrender, the less you need to be someone. You can relax into nothing, then return to the world and still play the part — lift weights, eat dinner, build empires — all while knowing the actor and the silence share the same breath.

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It wasn’t dramatic, just quietly revolutionary. The world didn’t change — the space around it did.